I hate toilet paper.

Well, okay, I'd rather not go without it, but man, why does it have to be so annoying? Is there no "perfect" brand? I think we've tried them all at some point or another. And strangely, this is not about soft versus, err, un-soft. This is about everything else.

Ever try to blow your nose with toilet paper? Of course you have. Ever notice how some brands seem to generate all sorts of "dust" into the air when you do? I hate that stuff. You're breathing all those fibers in when you inhale during a nose blowing session. Yuck.

Then there's my most recent peeve, and that's with the glue holding the roll together when you first go to use it. Seems like lately the brand we normally use is using WAY more glue than normal. It doesn't seep in past the first layer, but it's a HUGE spot of glue. You tear and tear and tear and end up with little bits of paper all over the floor before you can get that layer started. DRIVES ME INSANE. I just want to wipe! Does it have to be this annoying?!?

And then you've got some brands where I swear the stuff is so thick that a roll lasts no time, then some so thin it lasts forever. Here's the thing...when the paper is that thin, well, I don't want it to last forever! Ca piche? Too thick can surprise you such that you pull off a strip of it only to find that when you wad it up you've got an entire tree in your hand. Ugh. Why can't we get an international standard for toilet paper? Someone start a consortium or something.